This is the third time in the month of May I have misplaced my wallet. God used this time and gently tapped me on the shoulder and said slow down we need to reconnect. I slowed down spent time in prayer and mediation and then went about my day. Off and I on walked the same room searching for my wallet. As I searched I would find something else- Father's Day card a while back I forgot all about, Baby J's first class picture, a letter my husband wrote to me about a year ago. Again God put his hands on my shoulder and said if you search you may fins something greater and better than what you intended.
This evening I took for a walk as usual only this time I was thinking of people who have touched my life and no longer on earth: Tanya, Ken, David, Brooks, Papa, Grandma/Grandpa Cooper. I usually don't have these ideas in my head but for some reason this is what came to mind.
When the kids and husband were all asleep I viewed my quiet with God so much differently tonight. The devotional question was, "Have you ever experienced a moment of intense sorrow? How does this feeling effect you physically/emotionally? Spiritually?"
Wow, God you have been preparing me for this quiet time all day. As I read Mt. 26:36-45 and Mk 14:32-42
I picture Jesus in a familiar place with his friends. This is the place where they share wow moments/tell your mama jokes, and share highlights/downsides of their day. However, this usual place is not so usual anymore. Jesus pulls aside his best buddies and cries.
If you ever lost a close loved one its not just tears and sniffles... When I lost grandparents, close friends I sobbed and had a hard time catching my breath. Eyes, wet shirt, red face you could not hide the fact that you were crying.
In this passage Jesus is overwhelmed to the point of death. I picture Jesus face down surrounded by fresh olives hanging on trees and olives fallen on the ground. I see Jesus in fetal position crying outloud unable to control himself tears pouring down his face, his face is red, eyes are puffy, his hands are covered in tears/eyelashes, his nose is all runny, his legs are too weak to stand, and he is shaking like a leaf. In the midst of the confusion, battle between human desires and desires of HIS father he cries out to God in between his sobs, in between wiping his nose/eyes and begs and cries for strength and guidance maybe even some kind of motivation to follow through what God has stored up for Jesus in these final hours. I would imagine Jesus said the same words over and over (maybe like some of us do when we mourn a love one).
I love Luke 22:43 "An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened HIM". Jesus went before God with tears/snot/sweat (not one bit attractive on the outside) knowing God would answer his cry for help.
I learned a lot from misplacing my wallet.. again: 1) When you search for something you are sure to find something better. If it were not for loosing my wallet I would not have slowed down... to spend extra minutes this morning preparing me for something greater this afternoon. 2) I really picked up on who cares about outward appearance in time with God its your heart that matters. God does not mind spending time with you in your PJ's and morning breath its your attitude in your heart that matters. 3) Know God will hear and answer your cry for help. I can see/hear Jesus calling out in a confused overwhelmed state of mind. Phrases may have been repeated, loud AAA with no verbal meaning but God understands hearts and answers our call for help.
