This past Friday I left work with 5 uniforms in hand for Housekeeping and a heart full of tears. It was bad enough having to carry around a toilet brush, mops, and brooms on campus... now we are having to wear these smocks/grubs nurse like things with "custodian services". I like my college ID which states faculty/staff. What I don't like is the title on these grubs. As I walked around with head hung low carrying these 5 smocks/grubs in my hand I had to constantly remind myself that my identity is in Christ, not the shirt I had wear on Monday. I looked at the style and the phrase "custodial services"... this is not me and this not where I want to be. I constantly told myself I'm not being what God created me to be, I'm living below God's standards and expectations. I was not living in His plan. That evening I did not go straight home. I walked around the block pouring my heart to God... God I learned humility, I learned service, and I learned my identity. What else is there? God I don't like that these shirts advertise what I am and what I do. I told God I was quitting my job and either going to Van Buren to teach or substitute teach here in town. The Holy Spirit gently whispered... quitting over a uniform..... ?absolutely!! I was told on the interview we would not have uniforms... I did not want smock/scrub I would stay if I was issued polo shirts or regular T-shirts. I told God how I hated having this title and wearing such pathetic looking smocks and I was not keeping this job. Again, the Holy Spirit gently tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, when Jesus was on the cross he had on a thorn of crowns, nails, and scraps of clothing... so because Jesus was dressed like a murderer, was He a murderer? When Jesus was in deepest darkest moment did he quit? Did he forget the promise that He would be resurrected. I gradually looked towards Heaven pouring my heart that I doubted Him and was more concerned about my titles/reputation than serving His children and taking this opportunity to provide for family. I continued my walk with God around the block. I shared my visions and dreams with God... how I wanted to get my MA in Elem education and MA in Christian Education and Phd in Rural Education. God gently reminded me of the professors in Austria and how even if I decided to teach at TCMi I would wash/dry dishes in the kitchen and even clean the toilets of the students. Even if I was a professor at Ozark Christian I would have to tear down my pride holy and completely. God gently reached down and directed the thinking of his child and taught me (5) just wear the name Christian from the inside out.... Just as a savior crucified on the cross does not make him a sinner, a smock with "Custodian Services" does not make me any less of God's child.
Sometimes you need to hit bottom so you look up to a friend to take your hand and pull you to higher grounds.
