Only way is up!

Know what I like most about being a housekeeper at a local college? I like my college ID which states faculty/staff. Ok, I admit I like reserved parking, parking next next to professors. What I like most is not being satisfied.... Working as a housekeeper I am reminded constantly of 4 specific things: (1) my identity is in Christ not how many BS, BA I have. (2) Always do your best no matter what (3) I am called to serve, outside of my comfort zone. (4) I am learning to be content with materials and hunger for spiritual. What's sad is that it has taken me almost 32 years to fully understand the Be Attitudes.

This past Friday I left work with 5 uniforms in hand for Housekeeping and a heart full of tears. It was bad enough having to carry around a toilet brush, mops, and brooms on campus... now we are having to wear these smocks/grubs nurse like things with "custodian services". I like my college ID which states faculty/staff. What I don't like is the title on these grubs. As I walked around with head hung low carrying these 5 smocks/grubs in my hand I had to constantly remind myself that my identity is in Christ, not the shirt I had wear on Monday. I looked at the style and the phrase "custodial services"... this is not me and this not where I want to be. I constantly told myself I'm not being what God created me to be, I'm living below God's standards and expectations. I was not living in His plan. That evening I did not go straight home. I walked around the block pouring my heart to God... God I learned humility, I learned service, and I learned my identity. What else is there? God I don't like that these shirts advertise what I am and what I do. I told God I was quitting my job and either going to Van Buren to teach or substitute teach here in town. The Holy Spirit gently whispered... quitting over a uniform..... ?absolutely!! I was told on the interview we would not have uniforms... I did not want smock/scrub I would stay if I was issued polo shirts or regular T-shirts. I told God how I hated having this title and wearing such pathetic looking smocks and I was not keeping this job. Again, the Holy Spirit gently tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, when Jesus was on the cross he had on a thorn of crowns, nails, and scraps of clothing... so because Jesus was dressed like a murderer, was He a murderer? When Jesus was in deepest darkest moment did he quit? Did he forget the promise that He would be resurrected. I gradually looked towards Heaven pouring my heart that I doubted Him and was more concerned about my titles/reputation than serving His children and taking this opportunity to provide for family. I continued my walk with God around the block. I shared my visions and dreams with God... how I wanted to get my MA in Elem education and MA in Christian Education and Phd in Rural Education. God gently reminded me of the professors in Austria and how even if I decided to teach at TCMi I would wash/dry dishes in the kitchen and even clean the toilets of the students. Even if I was a professor at Ozark Christian I would have to tear down my pride holy and completely. God gently reached down and directed the thinking of his child and taught me (5) just wear the name Christian from the inside out.... Just as a savior crucified on the cross does not make him a sinner, a smock with "Custodian Services" does not make me any less of God's child.

Sometimes you need to hit bottom so you look up to a friend to take your hand and pull you to higher grounds.

Meet me at the Cross

I remember my first trip to Disney World. My family was traveling for the first time on the tram. My dad told us to look down and point out the castle. If we ever got lost we were to meet at the castle. We all felt safe in this big new exciting place as we were able to explore and see a new world knowing how to get back home.

Years my brother got his driver's license he checked my sister and I out of elementary school to explore Manhattan, NY. We took the ferry across the harbor. My brother would point to the twin towers and tell us, if we ever got lost take the A C E train to the towers and we will meet. We all felt safe getting home in time before we were caught knowing we had a plan to get back home.

Tonight I took my 3 boys to a festival here in town. I showed them stage where to meet if we ever got split up. We were all doing good staying together until the last 45 min. of the event. My middle child walked off (not sure where or why). I checked our meeting point and no son. Seconds felt like minutes and minutes felt like hours. I was so happy to see officers and volunteers. It was when one officer notified another officer across the field that my son was sitting under the first aide station with several other officers. My son explained that they would not let him on the stage but a nice lady led him to another safe meeting place. Once I had all 3 children back in my care we were all able to enjoy the festival. Later that same night we grabbed a bite to eat and again he left my sight. I grabbed him back and hoped to get the message across... stay together you could get hurt!

God has a wonderful family and he wants all his children to have a meeting place in case one gets lost. So many times we feel like we are walking close with God then something distracts us and we realize we are not with God or close to His family. God grabs us getting our attention and says meet me at the cross.

In my life time I have had several meeting places (park bench, a castle, twin towers, coke sign, letter in the parking lot). Like my son's case and the twin towers these meeting places are not always going to last and be available to catch up. Jesus is always available and Jesus is always trying to get our attention: my child stay close, stay together or will get hurt. Come to the cross and I'll meet you- my child.

In God's Tool Box

Have you ever taken the time to fix something? Maybe a bike, the breaks on the car, or a dorm room organizer. I think we have all taken the time and effort to fix something at one time. Why do we put time and energy into fixing these things? What is the value of this object? Obviously these things that we fix are worth our time and energy. If not then they are not important to us and we find no need for them.

As I was cleaning the college campus and reflecting on overall life. I was thinking of the lessons I learned in identity, what it means to humble yourself, and praising God by doing everything as working for God and not men. I stopped what I was doing and took a short break. I realized I was back on one of God's molding tools again. God is taking out for me. God is using his time and his energy to fix me and remind me how valuable I am to Him. He is taking time out to mold me, shape me, and better use me for work. Even though it is not fun being picked up and molded I praise God that he is using his time and energy on something valuable.

A new Job

Growing up I always I wanted to be a teacher and work with special needs families in low income areas. My childhood dream became a reality. I graduated in 2003 with a BS in Special Education. My first teaching job was in Bronx, NY. My husband and I moved to Memphis, TN for 3 years we served families in the projects and I was a special education teacher. My husband was offered a paid ministry job in Sallisaw, OK... we'll the church was not ready for growth and change. 18 months later my children are attending the same school district as my husband. My husband is not a paid minister and I no longer have the title "teacher".

I am currently working as a custodian at a local college and my husband works in a factory. When my husband resigned his last job our marriage was no longer solid. 6 months and intense counseling later our marriage is currently the strongest it has been since our 10 years of marriage.

This weekend I was lying in bed pondering the idea of wearing the new custodian uniform. I cried myself a few nights getting down for not being National Board Certified, not being able to meet the state requirements for teaching in the state of Oklahoma.

I realize that my true self is not in a job title, a pay check, or school mascot. My true identity is in Christ. As I surrender everything to God am understanding who I am meant to be and how to instill in my children their identity.